@WigCannon

how to hot dogs:

1) “read” hot dogs instructions
2) place 5 to 60 hot dogs in warm microwave or sink
3) add 1 piece of ketchup
4( drink

You Might Also Like

@TheCatWhisprer

Crazy how my 5yo can explain something in painstaking detail unless it’s anything I specifically asked her.

@robin_991

“How’s the diet going?”

I beep when I back up now.

@ShutUpThatsWho

CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas-
*scuffle noises*
ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?

@ClichedOut

[camping]

Friend: You gonna put that tent up yourself?

Me: No, you sicko, under that tree.

@AndyAsAdjective

captain: a lot of rumors floating around saying I sunk the ship

sailor: [clinging to a piece of the hull] please stop calling us rumors sir

@hergorgeousmess

me : * dont let them know how awkward you are *

them : nice weather

me : thanks

@ArfMeasures

COP: Can you describe the bear that attacked you?
ME: Less huggable than you’d think

@qwajo_jnr

You know that moment when you close a cupboard and hear something fall? That’s the sound of someone else’s problem

@g0_f1sh

A colleague has just been fired from work and someone else put their hand up and asked how it would affect the Secret Santa

@SatansTongue

Horton hears a who
Horton hears a what
Horton hears a chicka chicka slim shady

Horton is listening to Eminem