How to test a responsive website for various screen sizes via @aghoshb
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A person running around with a laptop chasing an unsecured WiFi signal looks eerily like a cat chasing a laser pointer.
CEO: Long lines. Bad parking. No shade. Crying kids. $7.00 drinks. We need a good name.
ETHAN: How about “amusement park”?
CEO: [under breath] Genius
Everything was great until I opened my mouth.
– An autobiography
Satan’s first act in the bible was to suggest that people eat more fruit.
No wonder we all hate him.
7 year resume gap marked “Not Drugs”
I love carbs so much, I’d let them look through my phone.
I have so many questions.
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I’ve decided it’s time to fall in love again.
*orders southern fried chicken sandwich with extra pickles*
[having a discussion]
BF: don’t make me keep talking I will only make it worse
A terrible baby shower game idea is called, “Have a man come in and guess which woman at the shower is pregnant.”
Okay everybody it’s Zero Hour for this website, post your favorite tweets and give them a little kiss goodbye.
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Just watched a video in which a young lady referred to some shoes from the 90s as “vintage” so you can go ahead and shovel the dirt over me now
Blackberry just announced a new CEO, but the most newsworthy part of this story is that Blackberry still exists.
I can’t feel my face when I’m with you, but I love it.
Doctor: This is your third Botox appointment. That wasn’t even funny the first time.
First of all the thin slices you eat to straighten up the cake don’t count
firemen keep harvesting my cat tree
“Let me slip into something more comfortable”, I say with a wink then come back in twice as much clothing as before
Ruin your teen’s day by singing the wrong words to their favorite song.
I would seriously recommend whatever that third pill was I just took.
Bird: We can fly so we can go anywhere, soar through the skies, glide through the air!!
Bird 2: It’s incredible!!
Bird: imma stand in the road
Bird 2: Me too
“I’ve got a couple of ideas I wanna run by you this afternoon,” my coworker threatened
me: i’ll have a steak
waiter: sir this is a vegan restaurant
me: oh
waiter:
me: ok i’ll have a vegan
Finding a human tooth in my fortune cookie was just the beginning.
Me: my dad left to get cigarettes 20 years ago
My dad: [opening door] I was doing side quests
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults – $9.00, Under 12 – $ 6.00, Under 3 – $249.00
Think you know guilt?
*takes long drag on cigarette*
I’m the wildebeest who killed Mufasa.
*exhales*
I hear Simba’s screams every night.
Get rid of the “quality check” section on the Domino’s pizza tracker. I know what I’m getting myself into here.
I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.
Always the bridesmaid, never the father of the bride.
me: *getting to class really late and hungover* ugh please don’t call on me
student: professor?
me: shit