PARENT: They grow up so fast. Which one is yours?
ME: *smiling proudly* The cat over there biting that blonde kid
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Boss:Why is your voice gone? Are you ok?
Me:*thinks back to me belting out Ariana Grande’s “Dangerous Woman”*
I’m ok…allergies are bad.
None of this is appropriate for anybody. Take the 18+ out of your bio.
Him: it’d be nice if you were a little more enthusiastic
Me: *pulls out giant foam finger*
cops: we’re gonna test your blood for drugs
me: lol why? my blood didn’t do any drugs, i did
me: any historical figure?
wizard: that’s right
[later at dinner]
Beethoven: you seem disappointed
me: *hiding dog treats* it’s fine
therapist: what’s your biggest fear
me: ghost chameleons bc they have
therapist: [gasps] double invisibility
me when someone tries to get to know me
[first day birdwatching]
is that a penguin? *moments later* is that a penguin?
me: I’m tired
Medieval Physician: Ok I’m gonna cut you open to drain your blood
me: Maybe I could rest
MP: haha no I’m cutting your veins