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@carlyken: If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target.
@AspergersAreUs: When I tell people I used to have a time machine a lot of them ask why I didn't kill Hitler and I explain that my time machine broke shortly after I murdered Smithsen and when they ask who Smithsen was I always say "you're welcome"
@ElmoYouNasty: Beyonce made a song called "Single Ladies" then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy
@TheToddWilliams: The sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog.” uses every letter of the alphabet and is also very judgmental about the dog.