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@SteveKoehler22

An octopus can get so stressed
out – it will actually eat itself.

Octopuses call that “leg day.”

@Mom_Overboard

They should make a sister store to “Forever 21” called “So Now You’re 35” where you can buy sensible pants and soft sweaters & take naps.

@BuckyIsotope

The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry.

@AmishPornStar1

Guys, if you waste the opportunity to sing Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” to other fellas at the urinals, you might as well just use a stall.

@mexinonblonde

I aged about 2 years and counted 14,364 cat hairs on my cashiers blouse at Walmart waiting for her to ring up my groceries.

@TheAlexNevil

“Danger” was my middle name until I had it legally changed to “No, I’m good, thanks.”

@freakyenough

X – Single
X – Married
X – It’s complicated
X – In a relationship
✅ – Not falling for that shit again…