Dad lobster: why’s the heat on with the lid off
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Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you’ve got alzheimers.
I just had a near death experience
Death: I SAID 6 FEET, GODAMIT
PMS: Your eyes look empty.
ME: I feel great.
PMS: Better put mascara on.
ME: To look pretty?
PMS: To look crazy when I make you cry.
I swear my husband thinks 90% of what I do as a stay home mom is walk around the house & hide his stuff
*hides some stuff
It’s maybe 35%
Her: wow that was loud
Tin man: I’m a bit rusty
‘I’ve been a very bad girl,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’
‘Very well,’ he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
2017 – Wizard of Oz
Dorothy: *opens weather app*
Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a zombie army. The proper name is the Marine Corpse.