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@Aspersioncast

Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?

@JPLFR80

I just had a near death experience

Death: I SAID 6 FEET, GODAMIT

@SondraDeeMe

PMS: Your eyes look empty.
ME: I feel great.
PMS: Better put mascara on.
ME: To look pretty?
PMS: To look crazy when I make you cry.

@miffedmim

I swear my husband thinks 90% of what I do as a stay home mom is walk around the house & hide his stuff

*hides some stuff

It’s maybe 35%

@50NerdsofGrey

‘I’ve been a very bad girl,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’
‘Very well,’ he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

@squirrel74wkgn

2017 – Wizard of Oz

[opening credits]

Dorothy: *opens weather app*

[end credits]

@TheBoydP

Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a zombie army. The proper name is the Marine Corpse.