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@LostFelicia: *Hums Every Breath You Take in grocery line
*Gets arrested for stalking 3 people
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: *Donates my body to science*
SCIENCE: Oooh, we… we don't want that.
@KenJennings: Okay, vampires are invisible in mirrors, I totally get that. But, come on, their clothes?!? #science
@Shen_the_Bird: doctor: i'm sorry [consoling my family] he's going to live
@LoveNLunchmeat: If you call me hysterical, you better mean funny cuz I keep my knives sharp.
@SteveKoehler22: 62% of marriage conversation is just
spouses stating “I never said that.”