@NoogsCorner: Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word "voluptuous."
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@david8hughes: [fancy restaurant] Me: do you have orange cat food? Wife [whispers to waiter]: he means lasagna
@RandiLawson: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi
@Home_Halfway: "How much for this melted ghost?" Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys
@Bob_Janke: If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything - Marilyn Monroe If you believe that try showing her your race car bed - Me.