*interrupts* -My greatest strength is my work ethic
“Well played. Welcome to the psychic friends network”
I accidentally inhaled some soap when I was washing my face and then I coughed and no bubbles came out. Cartoons are full of shit.
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EVOLUTION: Behold, the cat, the perfect combination of stealth, power, and aggression. After millions of years, I have finally created the greatest hunter of them all.
*I place a very small bell on the cat’s collar*
EVOLUTION: No! Stop! You’re ruining it!!!
ME: can I ask one last question
FIRING SQUAD CAPTAIN: ok shoot
FIRING SQUAD CAPTAIN: aw heck
Unless you don’t like each other
Then it’s pretty okay
Bro. It’s not ladies man, it’s ladies’ man. Chicks dig a dude who can navigate a plural possessive.
OMG THIS IS SUCH A SURPRISE THE THOUGHT OF WINNING AFTER A NOMINATION IS A PHENOMENA THAT BLOWS MY MIND HOW DID IT HAPPEN
– All Emmy winners
“Are you crying .?” “No, my eyes are sweating -_____-” #ITTS
Trump’s rhetoric has become even more disturbing and incendiary. Today he claimed “Burger King fries are as good as McDonald’s fries.”
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!