She said she hates my analogies and wishes I would communicate like a normal person, but that’s like telling a samurai not to use his sword
I always say “no spoilers!”. Not because I plan to see the movie but because I don’t want to listen to you babble on about it.
You Might Also Like
Wanna buy something but can’t find it online?
Just text someone about it! Instagram will show you ads the next minute.
6:There’s a monster under my bed
Me:That’s silly! There’s no such thi..OH GOD IT’S EATING MY ARM
ME:KIDDING it only eats kids
He looks at her,
she undresses him with her eyes
His clothes fall
Whoa whoa. Are you a witch lady because that was creepy..
imagine if otters became overpopulated and started destroying the world. it would be so cute.
John: ok but if we’re being honest Jesus was kind of annoying right?
John: he’s right behind me isn’t he
me: *googling* am I dying
web md: nope just sad
me: oh good
web md: and extremely melodramatic tbh
me: that’s fair
web md: and I think your anxiety would be more manageable if you got a job and paid rent
me: *shouting from the basement* mom did you hack my computer again
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
‘No I’m Spartacus’
‘I am Spartacus’
‘I AM Spartacus’
‘Look I just need someone to sign for the package’