I saw on a package of condoms they had a money back guarantee. So how does that work? Do I just mail the baby to them?
i am developing a ground brekaing new app called “MOneyWallet”, where you earn “Money Points” by mailing cash to my house
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Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.
Him: Don’t make this weird.
Me: Then why am I even here?
I always leave my front door unlocked on my birthday just in case someone is planning to kidnap me in the morning and take me to breakfast 🙂 so far I’ve had zero birthday breakfasts 🙂 and two Blu-ray players robbed 🙂
Angel: what’s that thing for?
God: that’s the uterus. It carries life
Angel: oh nice. so it just hangs out quietly for years until there’s a baby in it?
God: lol no
John Bobbitt: How long has it been since you last did one of these, doc?
Plastic Surgeon: Well, it has been a while. But I’m sure I can re-member.
professor: you, explain the philosophy of predeterminism
me: I guess I don’t have a choice
professor: great job
Wife : Even if you cheated on me, I wouldn’t leave you.
Me : Really?
Wife : Yes. Why would I reward you for cheating?
Hello and welcome to our “help! my toddler won’t stop crying because I wouldn’t let her nap with a slice of cheese” support group, there’s free coffee in the back.
Me: 3 miles today.
Him: On the treadmill?
Me: No, scrolling on Twitter.