@PostCultRev: I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.
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@Sophie2078: Guy: I want a divorce. Me: And who are you? Guy: I’m your husband! We live together for 6 years! Me: Hmm.. No way! Are you sure?
@CherylCheryl94: To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present - They are due back at the library tomorrow.
@murrman5: [wedding day of the girl that got away] any reason why these two shouldn't be married, speak now or forev[sound of a dirt bike approaching]
@shutupmikeginn: [ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that. [laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now