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@ChiefTwittler: I bet black unicorns have the biggest horns.
@TheFearBoners: Thanks to home security commercials, I am now terrified of middle aged white men.
@Rollinintheseat: I've been using a lot of moisturizer. I'm at aloe point in my life.
@shopkins776: I never make New Year's resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add "This time I'm serious"
@juliothesquare: I sprained my wrist again furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and going "I trust this will suffice."
@RdrJay47: There is a mile long line of cars stopped ahead, but go ahead and honk at the guy in front of you. It might help.