When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it’s like what am i, your maid
I bet chickens have mixed emotions about Thanksgiving, because they’re safe for a day, but why aren’t they good enough for a holiday meal?
You Might Also Like
[googles “camaflage spiders”]
[googles “camouflage spiders”]
You’ve got to be twins. You’re too stupid to be one person.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying “get a load of this guy” every time someone walked in
Thinking of having kids? Practice getting small children ready to play in the snow by wrestling a pair of gloves onto an angry octopus.
Customer: the cat you sold me mauled my other cat.
Me: you mean the african large?
Customer: i think it’s a lion.
Me: *points to aquarium* wanna exchange it?
Customer: isn’t that a crocodile?
Me: snapping canoe lizard
Customer: i’ll take it
Apparently my friends have been spreading rumors that I have a gambling problem. I’m not sure who leaked this, but my money’s on Josh.
me: [trying to pronounce gnocchi] “gnocc gnocc-”
waiter: “who’s there? haha”
me: “this isn’t a joke son”
this is anya, she’s better at jenga than i could ever hope to be