@Papa_Mex: I bet Vegans that become zombies must really struggle with the whole brain-eating lifestyle...
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* "Sir, where are the fitting rooms?" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*
@DirtMcTurd: 6: Dad what's a Kardashian? Me: Nobody really knows... 6: Sounds really stupid Me: I love you
@BoogTweets: (Creating Atheists) God: Make some humans Sciencey Angel: Will they believe in you? God: No, but they'll be so surprised when we meet!
@lloydrang: Kid: Mommy's last name must be "Honey" cuz that's what daddy calls her Teacher: That's SWEET. What's her first name? Kid: "Sorry," I think