My heart hurts when you’re not around
I bet when Kanye was little he played tag by himself, then argued with himself on whether he was tagged or not.
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My 4 year old asked if she could put makeup on me. I asked jokingly if she was going to “make me pretty,” to which she responded, dead serious, “you’re ALWAYS pretty, Mommy.” So I need to know where to get this child a unicorn do they have those on Amazon?
*runs Baywatch style through Wendy’s drive-thru*
*gets into any creepy van*
*Gets kicked out*
WEBSITE: You must be legal age to view this content. What year were you born?
ME AT 13: [Playing it safe] 623 BC
If you bought more toilet paper than you need legally I’m allowed to come poop at your house
*Carefully measures exactly one serving of potato chips into bowl.
*hands bowl to child, eats the rest
Her: Umm…Where are you going?
Me: Walking the dog.
Her: When you get back, we need to talk.
* walks dog…returns 3 days later
I received my first unsolicited goat pic. Not kidding.
I like to pride myself on knowing whether it’s Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum.