@iGreenMonk: I can always tell when someone is lying by tying them down and strapping them to a lie detector.
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@luckyshirt: The World: "It is officially impossible for any of this to make less sense than it does now." McCain: "Hold my alligator."
@Reverend_Scott: SON: do you HAVE to walk around in just underwear? DAD: I will if I want. now get me a beer SON: what aisle? DAD: do I LOOK like I work here?
@AudraEqualityMc: Sally: I Love You Mommy! Me: Melts into a puddle. Sally(5 minutes later to her breakfast): I Love You Waffles. Me: Oh. ☹️