Anyone else always bring about 3x as many knickers as they need when they’re going away somewhere like oh just incase I piss myself every single day of this trip
I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?
You Might Also Like
Cop: license and registration
Me: nice try, I don’t have either of those
“Screw you, my face doesn’t look like that at all” – an actual duck.
[stranded on a deserted island]
Ok first things first, I need to find a volleyball.
thief: [breaking into my car] why are u in the trunk
Even if your wife uses dual a sim phone, save both the number under one name “WIFE”.
Never save it as “Wife 1” & “Wife 2”.
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.
How to handle a one night stand the next morning:
1. Put on Titanic
2. He’s gone, that’s it
The pharmacy will look you straight in the eye with no line of people and tell you it will be 20-30 minutes for them to take some eye drops off the shelf behind them and put them in a little bag.