@underchilde: I compared thee to a summer's day because I hate summer.
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@MeanGein: Algebra is like sex. I didn't really get it in high school, and I definitely don't get it now.
@ArfMeasures: [Looking round a museum] ME: Hey Patricia, have you seen this pterodactyl? DATE: Yeah, but *smiles* you don't pronounce the p ME: Oh God I'm such an idiot! I feel stupid now, Atricia
@c12h22o11balls: [First day as a waiter] Customer: Are your burgers 100% certified ground beef? Me: duh cow's can't fly you idiot