@paigellwanger97: i could miss 4 days of school in a row in HS and have all A's and you zone out for 38 seconds in college and ur grade goes from a B to a G
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@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
@Underchilde: My boss caught me sleeping on the job and told me to clean out my desk as if he didn’t just see how lazy I am.
@KylePlantEmoji: Me :) My brain: there are dudes in prison who manage to find girlfriends on the outside, but you can't get someone to text you back Me :(
@davidgrossTV: ME: I'll have the burger. WAITER: And how do you like your burger? ME: I don't know. You haven't brought it to me yet.