“That wasn’t chicken in the Chow Mein”
I’d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.
It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.
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2000 years ago:
god: i shall sacrifice my only son so that all may have eternal life
god, watching us eat tide pods: jesus christ
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you have extremely good judgement.
You ever lied so much on a resume, you’re actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?
Men simply like to adjust their junk,
it’s not pocket science.
“Welcome to Fight Club,” said the man with the rock hard abs. I looked around, clutching my kite, becoming worried.
MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very, very intelligent.
Mittens, if you’re reading this, please come home…….
If this isn’t me
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher.
So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking.
And that’s how the fight started.
Tom’s of Maine is a really good deodorant to buy if you don’t mind spending a little extra to smell like you don’t use deodorant.