@katiefzack: I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY but I'll take it.
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@jazmasta: [making small talk at a business function] "You're 35 aren't you?" "No, I'm 38" "Oh right" [long silence] "Did you used to be 35?"
@Sassafrantz: Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It's always "KILL" or "MURDER" or "YOU'RE OUT OF NUTELLA"
@LoveNLunchmeat: Let's be honest, murdering someone before coffee would be pretty lackluster. I'd probably be too tired to even get the job done.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: ok doc what's wrong DOCTOR: u have 6 months to live ME: *leans in closer* no what's wrong DOCTOR: it's just u only visit me when ur sick