@dumbbeezie: I dropped food on the floor and my dog got excited but it was just tomato. I catfished my dog
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@boring_as_heck: A big thank you to whoever spraypainted "KARATE" on the side of my truck. Cops are scared to give me tickets now.
@TheDairylandDon: Irish I was a lil bit smaller. Irish I was a leprechaun baller. Irish I had a shamrock & a hat, & endless gold coins in a big black cauldron
@funnyordie: LIFE HACK: If a person is drowning, you can save their life by putting them in a bag of rice