I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren’t really my ‘thing’.

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I’m gonna make a photo editing type program that makes you look like a Hobbit and call it Frodoshop.


If a vampire gets AIDS from one of its victims, is it considered an STD or food poisoning?


People in Arab nations are still wondering what all the western world hub bub about hump day and camel toe is about.


“Subpar accommodations. One star.” – Oldest known TripAdvisor rating for Bethlehem.


Sexy singles are waiting to talk to u. They don’t sleep. They wait. Forever waiting. Will u free them from this sexy prison? Call now


I carry my checkbook with me everywhere just in case someone wants to be paid in the least convenient way possible.


My wife and I just finished an intense 6-month mediation to pick the movie we’re going to fall asleep 10 minutes into.


“Dear God, make me a bird, so I can…”
*turns into penguin*


Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.