What do you call the yellow ones?
And the black ones?
So the brown ones are-
-No we named those after dog poison.
i feel bad for crabs because they can never eat a sandwich they’ll just keep cutting it into smaller pieces every time they try to hold it
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*passes cop car with radar gun
*stares in rear view mirror for next 3 days
“I’m on my way.” -People who haven’t even left the house yet.
Date: I like a guy who’s environmentally aware
Me, pointing outside: that’s a cloud
“Honey did you put a dead rattlesnake in my boot?”
Oh it died?
I wear my wedding ring everyday so I know my right hand from my left hand, incase the man of my dreams asks me for directions.
*becomes shy shy
I’m sorry I said your baby looks like a hairless hamster. But in my defense, you shouldn’t have had a hairless hamster for a baby.
Me: “Do you say bless you when your dog sneezes?”
Teen for rent:
Knows everything, does nothing.