I feel confident that the person who created banana Laffy Taffy had never even seen a banana.
You Might Also Like
It’s only a restroom if you fall asleep in the stall.
Him: The will states that all of the deceased’s debts are bequeathed to the ‘ugly’ son. Who is that?
Me: I’m an only child.
Look, if you’re worried about hidden cameras in your Airbnb, just send me in ahead of time. I’ll put on a little show in every room, and the owner will pull any and all hidden cameras no sweat.
How all things should be taught/explained.
we’re insta mutuals now 😌😌😌
Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn’t laugh…
My husband let me sleep in late and then made me pancakes.
Someone please let Dateline know my death was absolutely premeditated.
marvel comics have peaked
weird email i got today
christening a ship with an overripe banana
Nancy Drew and the mystery of the seven minute stroller nap delaying bedtime by two hours
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my girlfriends bra off, I decided to give up.
I wish I’d never put it on in the first place..
Signatures as a form of legal identification purely theatre at this point. You’re telling me I can make pretty much whatever squiggly line I want on this piece of paper and now I control my father’s pesticide company? Grow up.
My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
I asked her, “How small?”
She replied,
“Just you, me, and the principal.
I often miss my train in the morning. And during the rest of the day. I never should have given away that train
There are at least two things in this ad that caught my attention
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it’s like…I don’t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
“Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than packaged balloons? It’s just air!”
Exactly
“What?”
It’s inflation
“I hate you”
Cat owners aren’t lazy. They’re just often paralyzed for hours because the supreme ruler of the house is sleeping on their lap.
Sometimes I feel like people on Facebook share things as a way of saying “Here’s this horrible story I saw today. I hope it makes you feel like shit also.”
Nutritionist: Ideally, you should eat 1200 cal a day.
Me: Ok, and how many at night?
you’re not fooling anyone
being a ghost is exhausting; aimlessly wandering the earth for all eternity, having to participate in pottery class, only Whoopi Goldberg can see you
If you’re trying to console someone who has a tattoo with their ex’s name on and they just broke up, don’t say ‘haha that’s tattoo bad.’
This is the only cartoon analysis critic I will watch
My grandma sailed on the Titanic.
She keeps trying to tell me what it was like but I say “Shut it Nana, I haven’t even seen the movie yet!”
A tragic kissout between police and suspects leaves over 15 innocent bystanders believing in love again
Cop: License and registration, please.
Me: Sure, can you hold my beer?
A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”
If someone says they like something, responding with “You would” is a highly efficient put-down. In just two words, you’ve implied that a) the thing they like sucks, and b) they have predictably bad taste. Work smarter, not harder.