i feel like most people have forgotten why we were robbing this jewellery store in the first place, for the jewels

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I think at my age the next tattoo will be more responsible like a dragon across my back but doing his taxes.


The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That’s 15 minutes, right? I’m not reading too much into it?


if they ever legalise drugs, Nestle definitely need to make a KitKet


Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money’s on LACK of intelligence.


Just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.


HER: I’m from outside London.
ME: Nearly the entire world is outside London.


I hope we get the slow walking zombies because that’s definitely more the type of apocalypse I’ve been training for