@wolfpupy

i feel like most people have forgotten why we were robbing this jewellery store in the first place, for the jewels

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@EvilPandaX

I think at my age the next tattoo will be more responsible like a dragon across my back but doing his taxes.

@Mothpete

The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That’s 15 minutes, right? I’m not reading too much into it?

@nutsaremixed

if they ever legalise drugs, Nestle definitely need to make a KitKet

@Tmoney68

Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money’s on LACK of intelligence.

@illTortuga

Just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.

@dave_cactus

HER: I’m from outside London.
ME: Nearly the entire world is outside London.

@ItsSamG

I hope we get the slow walking zombies because that’s definitely more the type of apocalypse I’ve been training for