I feel so stupid for believing in Santa Claus. How did I not realize this whole time it was my parents delivering the gifts to everyone in the world
You Might Also Like
AVATAR (the V means 5)
“Dad, what caused the Great Fire of London?”
[googles but can’t get wifi] Well son, that’s when Bach dropped the most fire mixtape of 1666
Opening a bag of M&M’s will produce no sound to a normal human. A toddler, it’s like the atomic blast at Nagasaki to those creatures
I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I’m going to have to read it upside down.
“Stressed” backwards is “desserts” so chill and have that cupcake.
My wife just apologised to me for the first time in years!!!
Her: I’m sorry but you’re wrong.
Me: A cool person followed me I better step up my tweets.
5 mins later: Can you die from eating the sticker off an apple?
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they’d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
Pacman: I feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body! I want the procedure, doc.
Dr.: Very well. Just relax..
*puts bow on Pacman’s head