WAITERS: alright, what are we thinking for starters?
ME: well, charmander is usually my go-to but squirtle is good as well
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So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?
“That’s me in a nutshell.”
A peanut’s photo album.
My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg.
My parents haven’t called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I’m sending my brother over there to check on them.
*sits gf down*
i am about to ask you a big question. if you dont know the answer then thats ok… *clears throat* where is the space jam dvd
I swear to god I’m not harassing you, I’m really out of shape that’s just my labored breathing
I’m at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe***
* 3 cats
** can opener
*** catfood can
Two things I learned this weekend are:
1. I’m not too old to get in a hammock.
2. I’m too old to get out of a hammock.
My apologies in advance as I present to you: Matilda Swinton