If people on Twitter found a horses’ head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops…..
I follow anyone who has “18+” in their bio.
I’m waiting for them to post the second half of the math problem.
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*yells from space*
Did you kill that spider?!
I want to congratulate you on learning the definition of abundance.
“Thank you. It means a lot.”
People just said “go to the gym” they never mentioned that you have to actually do things when you get there I’ve been doing this so wrong.
If it’s unimportant, I’ll remember it.
me: here is a list of Adult Swim cartoon characters I’m attracted to
therapist: can we talk about your depression?
me: we are
Why are they called bars and not alcohalls?
I opened my front door and saw a coyote in the yard and said “Oh, sorry” and closed the door like I’d walked in on an unlocked bathroom stall.
Husband: Tell me a fantasy of yours.
Me: So you go back to the office for work.
*signs your yearbook “best friends for life”
*never speaks to you again *