@TrueTorontoGirl

I get carried away sometimes.

Because I refuse to leave.

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@tchrquotes

Bear boss: I need to see you two in my office right away.
*I see my coworker is nervous*
Me: Relax, how bad can it be.
Salmon: Shut. Up.

@jctwritesstuff

*gets in huge line at the donut shop*
*taps foot*
*sweats*
*shakes*
*causally hums the Jaws theme until people get out of my way*

@Cheeseboy22

The Teen Choice Awards has to be the most legit award show because teens always make the best choices.

@LurkAtHomeMom

Me: But what will I eat?

Nutritionist: *provides me with a list of healthy foods*

Me:

Nutritionist:

Me: But what will I eat?

@Izianikapani

Whoever said you can’t hurry love, never had kids knocking on the bedroom door.

@SummerCandyEyes

I like to make things awkward on first dates just by shouting “wrong hole!!” at inappropriate times, like when you’re eating.

@robyn_vo

Watched the movie Gravity tonight. Didn’t see as much gravity as I expected. Two thumbs down based on that.

@TheAlexNevil

Death: I’ve come for you.
Me: That’s what she said.
D (bursts out laughing): You get me with that one every time! Ok, see ya.

@andrybd

My dad just asked me if Nicki Minaj is claymation. Didn’t have an answer.