@kwirkyKerri

I hate it when I forget my password and don’t answer my secret questions right. It’s like I don’t even know me.

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@_stylr

20 years of House Hunters and Hugh Laurie is still alive and kicking. Thank god they don’t seem to be very good at it.

@Marlebean

Hubby took the kids downstairs and is letting me sleep in! I’m so excit..never mind, I hear crying already. I think it’s my husband.

@Donna_McCoy

If your family goes to church on Christmas morning, be grateful. This may be your only chance to lock them out of the house.

@TheBoydP

Show me someone who doesn’t talk back to the TV and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t watch sports or the news.

@Not_From_Troy

I did a survey and asked 5 women what kind of clothing brand they preferred. The 5 responded: “How the hell did you get into my house?”

@MarfSalvador

[woken up by barking]
wife: oh god it’s an intruder!
me: sssshhh [listens carefully] no, it’s definitely a dog

@LittleMissAngr1

I literally have no clever commentary. This glorious monstrosity speaks for itself.

@bluetractor

I hate it when people call me judgemental

Especially people wearing shoes like that

@BobbiStonewall

Have you ever looked at someone & thought, you sure could benefit from getting a library card?