Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH ME!!
Him: Ma’am please just take your pizza.
I hate when I meet a beautiful woman and have to leave bc someone who beat me in a rap battle is walking my way
You Might Also Like
Friend: *checking bag* one bag
Airline: why is it so heavy
Me: *loudly from inside the suitcase* say u have heavy clothes
My therapist cries “Why me?” for the full hour.
Sun Tzu’s The Art of War is very applicable in the business world. Just today I made my boss sit facing the window so he had sun in his eyes
“We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision”
“We ate Bill”
OMG. How long were you in there?
Me: Its a bear! Quick play dead!
*falls down and covers himself with leaves*
Her: We’re in a zoo!!
Hey Google, if I’m searching for “herpes symptoms” then no, no I’m not “feeling lucky.”
We’re expecting 12 inches tomorrow night. Well played, Black History Month. Well played.
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out. I was like OMg.
I have 2020 vision. My eyesight is terrible but I can see precisely 3 years into the future