Would the Government cope in a zombie apocalypse? Vacant, horrible, disoriented people stumbling around without purpose. Plus the zombies.
I hate when people say “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” I mean, c’mon, one inconvenience at a time.
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Mad cow disease wears off and eventually you’re just tired with a cow disease.
Mom: we looked at tons of baby names-
Shakespeare: What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet
Mom: we picked Bertha
Shakespere: oh god ew
The older you get the less people you can actually tolerate.
I can tolerate about 5 people right now, 3 are my children and even that’s iffy
Google reviews drama is absolutely unbeatable
*Welsh Cities lining up outside Starbucks; the barista who writes the names on the cups starts hyperventilating and looking for an exit*
*don’t pick up . Don’t pick up. Don’t pick up*
~ me calling someone .
I could never be an actress because I don’t want kids and would never be able to say “but my favorite role is being a mom” at award shows.
My little sister graduated high school and her quote i-
My 11yo is begging me to let her get the ends of her hair dyed and says she’ll be the best child and do whatever I want if I say yes.
I already made the appointment but I’m gonna enjoy pretending I’m on the fence until then.