@geekmaude: I have a new alter ego named Princess of Optimism. You may call me Poo.
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@PharmerRPh: Judge: "Reason for divorce?" Me: "Reconcilable differences." Judge: "Don't you mean irreconcilable?" Me: "Ugh. You sound just like her."
@birbigs: Russian skater just explained that he is "not a robot," proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics
@Hobo_Splendido: All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you.