@geekmaude: I have a new alter ego named Princess of Optimism. You may call me Poo.
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@thatUPSdude: If you're buying your pregnancy test at the dollar store it's probably because he bought is his condoms there too.
@Fuzzylogic2009: I've stolen so much stuff from work that some of my colleagues now have to work at my house
@FunnyCauseImFat: My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself "I run this house"