*when E is a constant variable that can’t be touched
I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR DIFFERENT FABRIC STORES LOOKING FOR THIS ‘WIFEY MATERIAL’!
WHERE COULD THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL BE!?
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Boss: Why do you look so sad?
Me: I actually paid a college hundreds of thousands of dollars so I could do this
Coworker: First case of coronavirus in our city.
Me: *hands coworker gun* You know what needs to be done.
Coworker: You choked on water. I saw you.
Me: YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
So you’re telling me we can land a spacecraft remotely on Mars, yet, very few men in my office can pee directly into a stationary toilet?
Your word is ‘condescending’
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
Of course I can. Can YOU?
Instagramming daily selfies does not constitute personal growth.
My son found some handcuffs under our bed so I had to have “the talk” today…
I’m an international crime fighter now
[table of 6 year olds in lab coats]
How are we supposed to find a cure for cooties if we
*bangs fist on table*
CAN’T EVEN FIND WALDO?!
paul mccartney: all the lonely people, where do they all come from? all the lonely people, where do they all belong?
[from back of the room]: twitter