“Are you crying .?” “No, my eyes are sweating -_____-” #ITTS
I haven’t swam competitively since I was a sperm.
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Pizza is an emotion right?
Part of me says, “I can’t keep drinking like this.” While another says “Don’t listen to her, she’s drunk.”
Friend: what are your 2018 resolutions?
Me: I didn’t even make 1, let alone 2018 of them
You say kidnapping. I say surprise adoption.
Get in the van.
As a child I was bitten by a regular, mildly venomous spider, and I’ve turned into a regular, mildly venomous person. The system works.
COURT LIKE GASTON
LEAKS REPORTS LIKE GASTON
WRITES IN PRESS AS “ANONYMOUS SOURCE” LIKE GASTON
the embarrassment of competing in a rap battle and finding out your opponent is your doctor who does not care about hipaa violations