Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
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Nobody in this neighborhood ever got along until we all hated your rooster.
The definition of Irony:
Your job sucks
Your kids suck
Your life sucks
Cleanliness is next to godliness in a dictionary missing some stuff
To print a document from your laptop:
1. Select document
2. Click “Print”
3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time
Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you?
Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]
It’s like my dad always said, “How did you get this number?!”
3yo: why do you have to die one day?
Me: probably because of something I said to mommy.
Cat stuck in a tree? Have you tried placing a computer keyboard at the bottom?
ME: I have no gifts to bring
ME: …pa rum pum pum pum