@NikiWithIssues: I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
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@VeryLonelyLuke: I adopted a rock. He just sits there and does nothing all day. It still beats raising Kylo.
@madeleinedoux: "the pizza boy is here" It's time, I thought, cocking my shotgun. I was sending this half pizza half man abomination straight back to hell
@nettie0918: My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce.