10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary:
1) There are 1’s and 0’s
10) There are no 2’s
I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.
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The only reason why i am fat is because a tiny body could not store all this huge personality.
Ironically, it’s my humility that makes me so much better than everyone else.
me: (singing) it’s the i of the tiger
tger: give it back
People keep talking about the new Star Wars trailer. In my day, Star Wars had SPACESHIPS!
Note to self: Never choose a company name that ends in a verb.
The world is my oyster. Expensive and gross.
Husband: If you need me I’ll be out back.
Wife: Yeah that’s not very specific.
Everyone: I want to be cremated and my ashes sprinkled into the ocean under the moon while baby turtles hatch and race towards the water while “Circle of Life” plays.
Me: Put me in some aerosol cans and sell me as dry shampoo.