“Sure, you could bury it but hear me out.”
Taxidermy is invented.
i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck
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When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can’t open my eyes under water
Dear Electric Company,
You’re welcome. Go buy yourself something special.
-My family, every summer.
Instagram now has video! I’m going to film the hell out of this salad!
I lost 6 hours of sleep last night, lying in bed wondering if Muppets get haircuts.
Ouija board……”your going to die!”
therapist: and what do we do when we are sad?
me: add to cart
I know a bunch of guys who are like Christian Grey but without the money and the handsomeness. They’re in jail.
Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don’t they rotate enough while the car is moving?
Mechanic: Omg you’re right! What a scam. I truly apologize.
Just saw a Fiat & a Mini Cooper get into a head on collision. It was horrible… there was glitter everywhere.