‘I just call it like I see it…’ -People giving their unsolicited opinion about their unsolicited opinions.

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[to the two wolves inside me]
do you need to go outside and go potty


Since instagram is down I’m not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost.


Don’t let people tell you that life after college is nothing but being poor and tired. It’s 100% true, but it’s more fun if it’s a surprise.


*wife sighs*
“Is this because his grill is bigger than yours”
*frantically duct taping 2 grills together*


Yoga Instructor: This is Warrior pose

Me:*Sitting down, eating a cheeseburger


I’m a Warrior who just slayed a McDonaldite


A little drunk. Playing scrabble with my cat. Not sure who’s winning cause he’s eaten most of his tiles.


Mom said I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. So I became sarcastic.


I’m starting to get to the age where I need a well thought out plan in order to stand up.