Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee’s you’re buying it off of sure can.
I just opened an Easy Bake Oven restaurant.
Please call your order in, 17 hours prior to your arrival.
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Does superman ever go back to get his clothes, or is Metropolis just full of hobos running around in glasses and Clark Kent outfits?
The secret to success is to surround yourself with people that don’t know you.
My position on marijuana is slumped in a beanbag chair.
On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I’ve eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage.
I’m wearing black with navy blue today. Fight me. Any bruising will only serve to tie it all together.
i watched a bunch of spy movies and developed this extremely accurate FBI floorplan
Never mistake my kindness for weakness. Never mistake my silence for approval. And never, ever, mistake my appetizer for a sharing platter.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate & then burn them. I wonder what I should do with the letters.
JIMMY: My dad turns everything into a movie reference
DOC: Why do you do that?
ME: I want to develop a bond, James. Bond