@MintyCow: I just responded to a text message with: I can't hear you, you're breaking up
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@OakHill_: *teaching 13 to cut the grass Me: Go back and forth across in straight lines, slightly overlapping so you don’t miss any spots. Got it? 13: Yep 13: *cuts three circles, two triangles and a Rhombus into the yard.
@Elizasoul80: Sometimes I put a vase of flowers outside to let other flowers know that if they try to be prettier than me, I'll cut their legs off too.
@Pundamentalism: "I'd like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it'll go EVERYWHERE."
@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.