@MintyCow: I just responded to a text message with: I can't hear you, you're breaking up
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@weinerdog4life: When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch
@FuckabillyRex: Just apologized to my dog for being a crazy person, and I could tell by the way she didn't respond that she's been thinking it for a while.
@mom_ontherocks: Please respect my toddler’s need for comfort during this difficult time. Her bath is too wet.
@Kevaclysm: Me: I'm 29, I'm not that old! I have my whole life ahead of me. Me around a 20 year old: I am the grim spectre of death. I have seen empires rise and fall like the endless shifting dunes. Time has no meaning.