There are going to be a lot of drunk mosquitos tonight.
I just saw mashed potato referred to as Irish guacamole and I am done
You Might Also Like
25 more pounds to lose and I’ll be ready to be seen at my gym.
Judas: *Sips wine* Great, water again, very funny
Jesus:HAHA I got you!
Judas: So glad this is our last supper
I don’t know which is stranger: That the cat buried a mouse’s body in the yard, or that the service was attended by dozens of mice in suits.
Just because a guy wants to see you naked it doesn’t mean anything, I know a guy who drove 2 days to see a donkey show.
Dear Cereal Makers,
Exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinets shelves are?
ME: I’m from a broken home.
HIM: When did your parents divorce?
ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.
recently at a party i overheard someone start a sentence with “i actually remember being born” and i just put down my drink and left
sure we’re surviving 2019
but at what cost
I hated facial hair at first, but then it grew on me!