Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@DanMentos

[commercial]

“This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they’re selling”

narrator: Narrators

@suecorvette

[marketing meeting]

me: what campaign are we working on today?

boss: spaghetti-o’s

me: uh oh

boss: say that again

@BuckyIsotope

TEENS IN THE 70S: let’s protest war
TEENS IN THE 80S: let’s protest capitalism
TEENS IN THE 90S: let’s rage against the machine
TEENS TODAY: let’s eat laundry detergent

@dshack8

Attention people with multiple people in your avi’s:

Draw an arrow pointing to yourself, OR replace it with a cat.

Thanks,
The rest of us

@Holbornlolz

Just turned on an old Windows 7 machine that hasn’t been used in 10 years.

“Installing update 1 of 97”

@Kyle_Lippert

“How’d you die?” “I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?” “I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen” “Oh..”

@MrEd_EVH

*runs into long lost friend*

Him- I started out on the bottom now I’m a district MGR. what do you do?

Me- I disappoint people

@jbillinson

“Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe’s pocket knife away and we’ll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can’t make him say sorry”

@futurecreaturre

if i die on a hill it’s gonna be the bottom of that hill. i’m not climbing up a hill to die

@CornOnTheGoblin

? Taaaake onnn beeees ?
[Take on bees]
? Taaaake beeeees onnn ?
[Take on bees]
Ooouch I’m stuuuuung ?
Too many
Beeeeees ?