@thearibradford

I know there’s this whole “Gen-Z vs Millennials” thing going on but I’m excited to see what my kids roll their eyes at when I get old.

Like I’m just imagining my daughter like “God, Mom, you still use menstrual cups? Just think your period into the cloud like everyone else.”

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@Cheeseboy22

A child will either brush their teeth for 3 seconds or for 15 minutes.

@namelesstv

Whenever a character in a book praises the cleverness of another character’s idea, it’s really just the author praising their own idea.

@SCbchbum

The awkward moment when you say, “I love you,” then the pizza delivery guy says, “That’ll be $12.46, please.”

@robdelaney

If you see someone over the age of 9 wearing sweatpants, pull them aside & say “Friend, you’re wearing sweatpants.” They might not know.

@sparticus_af

tinder girl: are you just copy and pasting your responses to other women?

me: lol you’re hilarious. i didn’t grow up in the area but love the music scene out here haha

@baycontaco

I’ve started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and “accidentally” dropping my recipe for bacon tacos.

@ozzyunc

Mailed the last check. I official own a tomato I leased from Whole foods in 2009.

@Reverend_Scott

[party]
What exactly does BYOB mean?

“Bring your own beer”

Bill Nye the Science Guy slowly slides the bacteria sample back in his lab coat

@EmergencyQB

How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?