I know VERY basic Japanese.
When I got to Japan, I tried a Japan exclusive Starbucks drink. My bf is allergic to nuts so in perfect Japanese I asked,
“does this have nuts in it?
The cashier said “ooh, nut allergy?” (In Japanese)
I responded…..
“Sí.”
…
I HAVE NO WORDS 😭
You Might Also Like
A lot of people have been asking me why I’ve been wearing this hat so much lately and the answer is much more ridiculous than you’d expect. It doesn’t fit my head when I have hair so I’m getting the most out of it while I can.
Julius Caesar was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and died with a whole bunch of cutlery in his back.
Inflation has gotten so bad, the 7-Eleven changed its name to the 9-Thirteen.
Our toilet seat lid broke. My husband is shopping Amazon for a new seat. “We can save 11% by getting a used one!”
Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it’s not gonna help us find my iguana any faster.
Everyone asks me when I’m gonna start a family but no one asks me when I’m gonna stop a family
Me [giving spelling test]: infinite…Infinite… I have an “infinite” amount of peanut butter in my pantry.
Student: that’s impossible
Me: I assure you, it’s not
ME: My name is Nigel and I’m an alcoholic.
AA GROUP: Hi Nigel.*cut to confessional camera*
ME: I’m here to WIN, not to make friends.
What idiot named them twins instead of wombmates?
It’s been a rough few years, but it looks like things are finally getting worse
People who don’t reply to your messages within a second are so annoying. Also the people who expect your reply within a second.
God spoketh unto Noah and The Lord sayeth “build an ark.” God spoketh once more and The Lord sayeth “Simon says build an ark” and it was so.
SITCOM IDEA: Career criminal who keeps getting arrested because he hires an official photographer to take pictures of him doing his crimes.
“Dog Detective, how can I help you?”
MY PERSON THREW THE BALL AND I CAN’T FIND IT
“Did you check his hand?”
NO HE THREW IT ALR… oh wait
Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.
[seeing anyone after googling something you didn’t know five minutes ago]: hello you ignorant piece of shit
He told me to come dressed to kill for our first date…
I now realise my Freddie Krueger outfit was not what he had in mind
Toaster: Things are getting hot…. real hot, I’m getting close.
Me:
Toaster: Ahhhhhh!!!! I popped…
Me: I don’t think I really want that waffle anymore.
A Japanese game show where you have to run through a room full of hungry German Shepherds holding your boyfriend’s mom’s cat.
Parents: back in the day, we didn’t go to therapy
Me: it shows
It has been literally hours and I’m still laughing out loud every time I think about this
CW: My wedding is going to be expensive!
Me: Wait till you see what the divorce is going to cost you!
“Alright they’ve left for vacation lets rob em”
Oh shoot their porch lights are on
“So what we literally watched them leave”
Rules are rules
Vampires have to scroll forever to get to their birth year
The opposite of ‘taking candy from a baby’ is ‘putting sunscreen on a toddler’.
Annual reminder.
If Christmas decorations were meant to go up in November then surely they’d be called novorations.
Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?
I’m not paranoid but if you’re plotting against me let me know so I can prepare some snacks beforehand.
Are wings and mini tacos okay?
[after losing a rap battle]
me: I didn’t realize how much rhymed with jorts
A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.