It seems like every time I consider arson, the price of gas goes up.
I know you’re not supposed to question doctors, but it’s weird how my dentist keeps insisting on checking my prostate.
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“Mom, what does married mean?”
Taking naps together
“Daddy naps with his secretary are they married?”
No, that means he’s getting divorced
I never understood “baby” as a term of endearment – like am I cute and innocent or there’s a chance I may cry a lot and make a huge mess in my pants. I need answers.
any yall looking to wake up with some organs missing
My dad, a pilot rescued on French soil, behind a hidden wall panel with 8 Jewish children as the Nazis search, quietly opens a bag of chips
Hahaha holy shit, they are doing everything to avoid saying they seized 69 big cats
“single and ready to mingle”
thank you so much for the warning
My primary physician says I need to eat more ice cream sandwiches and this is why my seven year old is my primary physician.
“How would you describe yourself?”
“I’d use the appropriate adjectives.”
What idiot called it “the clap” and not “dishonorable discharge?”