@bust2nut

I like in RPGs when you kill a wild animal and it has, like, $5 and a spoon on it for some reason

You Might Also Like

@bobbiejo448

5yo: I can’t wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you’re here from the future to save the world.

@Tommytoughstuff

[Olympic Swimming]
CANADIAN ANNOUNCER: I feel bad for the water look how hard they’re kicking it.

@E_lok44

I would never feed you to the wolves.
You’re too toxic and I like dogs.

@peachesanscream

To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.

@moutheaters

Her: I have butterflies in my stomach
Me (trying to impress): My skull is full of wasps

@TheAndrewNadeau

BOND: The name’s Bond. James Bond.

ME: That’s a weird way to say your name, dude.

BOND: I’m a spy.

ME: You are bad at all parts of this.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

Liam Neeson: What I do have are a very particular set of skills.
Me if I were the kidnapper: *is.

@dave_cactus

ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf.
HER: *giggling* So, my place or…
ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers*
HER: WHAT THE